Sunday, April 12, 2015

More kid quotes

(My oldest son's quotes from his first years can be found here)


I asked Jonah if he had a choice if he'd go to school five days a week, two or three days a week or learn outside of school. He said he would like to learn outside of school. I asked him what he would do with his time, he said he would have gym every day because P.E. is his favorite subject. He said he would skateboard, play basketball and ride his bike. 

A: When I grow up, I want to be a lion.

me: Do you want to see what you were doing when you were your sister's age?
J: No. 
me: Why not?
J: It's just embarrassing. It's embarrassing when you do things like that, Mom.

A, coming home from daycare: I played with some babies and I made a few dollars.

Jonah: "I´m great at limbo. I´m the best limboer in 5th grade."

Anisa, singing: "This is how you rub yourself, rub yourself, rub yourself early in the morning."

Jonah: My poop comes whenever it wants."


A: I'm super super.

Anisa to me, playing with her wallet: You can watch me get money!

Daughter takes out her play pliers and says: "Mama I'm gonna cut you off your head."

me: You're a genius. Do you know what genius means?
A: Yeah. It means who's my daddy.

A, playing with a potato while in the bathtub: The potato's in my 'gina.

Daughter asks, "What does sorry mean?" She apologizes at the right times, usually after screaming or not listening, so I'm surprised she doesn't know the meaning of sorry. I explain that it's said when someone feels bad to make the person feel better. She wonders, "Is it like happy birthday?"

A, waking up with a stuffy nose: "My nose is not going to work today."

Daughter: "I don't want dinner every day. I don't like dinner."
me: "That's crazy."
Daughter, shouting: "That's not crazy!"
Pause. "Sorry I screamed, Mama."

When I gave her the choice of cereal or oatmeal for breakfast, she said: "I don't know how to think," meaning she couldn't decide. 

A: "Oxygen! My favorite!"


• me: Do you want the sound (track) of rain as you fall asleep?
A: No, I not want rain. I want rainbow.

• Anisa, seeing her dad and me hugging: Dada, you hug mama really well. 

• Jonah: I'm going to find out if the Tooth Fairy is real. I have a motion detector in my doorway.

• J: I farted three times.

• J: I don't have arachnophobia. I just don't like spiders in my personal space.

J: I like Mr.H (his teacher). He tells jokes. They're not funny, but it's funny that they're not funny.

• A, climbing on the doctor´s stool while at the doctor´s office: Iḿ trying to be the doctor.

• While putting on a fireman´s hat, Anisa says, ¨I´m fire dada.¨
Me: I love you, fire dada.
A: You not love fire dada.
Me: Who do I love? Coffee shop dada? (Her dad runs a coffee shop).
A: Yes, you love coffee shop dada.

• Anisa: It´s too way hot.

• A: Dada, I wanna play with your peter (peter = computer)

• A. seeing me come out of the shower: Mama, you're so big. 

• A, holding a small ball up
to her chin (as if it were a goatee): "I'm a man."

• Anisa: I love ice cream ever much. 

• A: Mama, I'm going to turn round and round and get busy. 

•  Hugging me, as A falls asleep: You're so big, Mom.

•  A: I wanna go to HR. (We often spell out "the park" when we talk about going there so Anisa doesn't understand until we've resolved to go to the park. She figured out what the spelled letters mean. P. A. R. became H.R.)


•  As Anisa pretends to eat a piece of her dad, he asks: Do I taste good at least?
A: Yeah. 
Dad: What do I taste like?
A: Cheese. 
•  A to a doll on her lap sitting at her kids' table: "That's my phone. Don't touch it. Don't touch the peter. Did you touch the peter?" (peter = computer)

• I burp, my daughter says, "Excuse you."

• Anisa to me: "Do you adore me?"

• Anisa at a playground, running after boys playing basketball: "Boys! Boys!" Turns back at me: "Boys are not talking to me."

• Jonah says he wishes that he didn't have to go to school; that he only goes to spend time with his friends.

• Anisa: (Pointing at a kid she plays with sometimes) That's my friend. 
Me: What's your friend's name?
Anisa: I don't know. His name is Friend. 

• A: I love mama, I love dada... (She continues to list family & friends she loves), I love candy. 


•  A, singing a made-up song: "My doggy fell down on the ground." Another time: "Don't touch my food. It's my special one."

•  Me: Do you like hugging mommy?
A: I like noodles.

•   me: If you cry this much, you need to go lay down for a nap.
A: I just want to cry.

• A: Jonah kick(ed) the ball. What the heck?

•  A, watching Puss in Boots: What the heck?

• me, to J: Are you looking forward to school starting?
J: No.

• A: I give the baby a peter (aka computer).

• A: I get my person (aka purse).

• Me: Do you want me to take a bath with you?
A: No, I don't.
Me: You don't want mommy to bathe with you? That's amazing.
A: It's not amazing, mama.

• A, brush in her hand: I make you pretty, mama.

• A: I wanna play domi-hoes.

• Dad, to A: Do you want to go to the store?
A: Not tonight.

• A: I'm a lady, dada!

• J, to me: You have leg hair on top of your bulging vein. Now ot looks like a furry vein. 

• "Don't kiss my doctor,"Anisa said after playing doctor with a doll and me kissing her nose.

• A to our repair man: Hi, guy. Hello, guy.

•  A, bringing her toy computer to me: "I got a peter. I got my peter. . . I don't like this peter."

• A, pretending to talk on the phone: "Hi mama, hi dada, hi milk."

•  Lately Anisa has been walking around with her unmistakable pretend face saying, "My back really hurts," or "My feet really hurt."

• Jonah's list of comebacks for when he's playing sports and someone says, "What was that?"
1. Wiki that.
2. Google that.
3. Who knows.
4. I don't know.

•  Me: Do you ever wash your belly button? Because I think I see something in it.
My son Jonah: I don't wash it until there's a dirt hill coming out.

• A: I'm a princess.
Me: What's your name, princess?
A: Pink.

• A: I'm scared.
Me: Of what?
A: of Jonah. Jonah's scary. (Pause). I scary, too.

•  J, in a sweet voice to his sister while playing with playdough: Nisa, did you destroy all the bears?

• J rated all the household members on the cuteness index. Baby brother came up on the top, I was last: "You're not cute."
Me: I'm not?
J: Not anymore...
And when my puddle of tears turned into a lake and he finally noticed: You're not a baby anymore. . . But you're awesome.

• J: Mom, do you know much about vanity and fashion?
Me; No, I don't.
J: Oh no. I wanted you to give me advice on what would make my guy look cool.

• A: I pooped a snake.

JULY 2015

•  A: Dada is my mommy.

• Looking out the window: That's my friends.
Me: Who are your friends, Anisa?
A: Mommy.

• A, first thing in the morning: "I wanna watch the news."

• A, while crossing the street in a stroller: "Better hurry."

• Anisa: I want strawberries. (Showing me to the fridge.) Come on, let's go to strawberries.

• me (thoughtlessly, about the baby): He's working on a poop. He's a workoholic.

• me: Do you want popcorn?
J: Oh, poop corn? Yeah. There is also mouse turd. Get it, mustard? Ham boogers and Toot-sie Rolls.

• A: My butt hurts.
me: Come here. Let me check it. It looks fine.
A: Ouch.
me: Do you want a band aid for your butt?
A: No.
Jonah: Do you want a but transplant?
A: (smiles) Yeah. 

• Anisa, yelling at her brother: "No, don't clean me!"

• Looking inside her dad's mouth at his teeth at bedtime: "I see 'dilla in there." Yep, quesadilla between his teeth. Time to floss.

• Anisa looking out the window at the neighbor across the street: "I wanna look neivor. I see neivor. Hello, neivor!"

• Anisa while playing outside in the sandbox: "I smell mommy poop."

• A, randomly while falling asleep: "Hi, doctor."

• Anisa: "I wanna do something right, mama."

• Pointing inside her nose: "Is burger."

•  Anisa puts on her pink tutu wearing nothing else, smiling and pronouncing herself "Princess Lolly."

• Me: Where are you, Anisa?
A: I don't know. (Pause) I over here.

• Me: What do you want to do at the library? Use the computer?
A: Go see Peter.

• After I got Anisa ready, she stood at the door, all dressed, obviously feeling like a million bucks, saying: "I princess," and adding, "Mommy princess."

• Anisa, randomly: "Oh, man!"

• As I finish dressing Anisa in a swimsuit to go in a pool, she looks at me and says: "I'm ready, dude."    

JUNE 2015

• Anisa, asking dada: "What time is it?... Is it six o'clock?"

• After seeing and me naming her brother's private parts when changing his diaper: "I have a penis too."

• On her birthday, while eating a cupcake deep in thought: "Happy birthday to me."

• Me (referring to baby): He's really fussy.
Anisa: I'm fussy too.

• Me: What is your favorite age so far?
My 9-yr-old son: Eight
Me: What happened when you were 8?
Son: I learned to cook eggs.
Me: Is that why it's your favorite?
Son: Yes.

• Anisa: What's smell?
Me: Does it smell stinky?
Anisa: Yeah.
Me: It's the neighbor cutting grass.
Anisa: Cutting grass? (I nod.) Cutting grass? (I nod.) Cutting poop?

• My 9-year-old son Jonah asking if I'd like to read a book with him: "I'm warning you; it's a graphic novel, and it's full of sound effects which you are really good at."

• Me to my son Jonah: "You are special to me." My 2-year-old daughter Anisa: "I'm special too."

• Jonah: One time I threw a ball so hard my ribcage almost fell out. It almost burst out. Do you know where the ball ended up? In a wheelchair."

MAY 2015

• Anisa, as we approach our house in the car: "Doma!" (which means "home" in Czech), immediately followed by: "Smells like poop."

APRIL 2015

• It's been almost three weeks since I gave birth to our youngest. Today my 9-year-old son taps me on the stomach and says, "Your belly is still fat." Thanks, son.

• My daughter dreams in two languages. The other night she said, "Uh-oh. Prd" in her sleep. Prd means fart in Czech.

• My daughter looks at me and says in a singy-songy voice used to talk to babies: "Mama, you're cute."

• My oldest son tells me I'm "the best mom in the world."

• My daughter pretends to talk on the phone: "Hello, I wash my belly, I wash my hair."

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